By Kaytee kareem
Everyone goes through grief or loss and sometimes theydobt understand their feelings and it's hard to move forward. There are stages involved in going through grief and understanding this stages will help to prevent depression which may lead to insecurity (feeling that you are less than what you truly are) or In extreme cases, suicidal thoughts.
Stage one
Shock or disbelief
This is the point where you still cannot believe what has happened, mentally you feel it is just temporary, it is not real. It is common in cases involving the loss of a loved one or even breakup. It will be hard to come to terms to the fact that what happened is real, yes someone you loved is dead, yes your lover broke up with you, yes your lover cheated on you, yes you lost your job and don't know what to do.... Yes the beginning of your grief or loss is now,that doesn't mean you should spend days or even months pretending you're not sad, it is hard to break out of this stage but to love forward you should start by accepting your loss.
Stage two
Denial
In this stage you finally accept that what has happened to you is real, you accept your loss. This stage is often paired up with "shock" making it "shock and denial" but i feel it should be separated because there is often a separate stage where people deny their pain, they know what they have lost but they refuse to acknowledge it. You got your heart broken and the next thing you do is get a new lover immediately, you're in denial because you haven't allowed yourself to grieve your loss, keep in mine that most rebounds do not work out because they are a result of hasty decisions. You lose your job but you're on a spend drift, you believe that life continues even though you don't have a job you should enjoy your life, what will happen if you run out of money with no source of replenishing it. Instead of flaunting the fact that you're okay, desperately trying to make everyone see that you're okay, don't you think facing the situation head on will heed better results? You have to break out of this stage and allow yourself hurt then you can heal.
Stage three
Anger
We are all familiar with this feeling, but this time you don't have a particular target for your anger, everyone could be a target. Why does it have to be me? Why wasn't it someone else? Why did she have to die? I don't deserve this!. These are thoughts that run through your mind, not withstanding it is healthy to get angry a little bit, you are only human after all. But by all means make the target of your anger objects preferably rubber and stretchy objects(you could get a stress ball to squeeze) , not people, you will tend to snap at every body that is being happy without problems. You will hate the reason(s) for your grief, because you're angry at the world and how unfair it is. You have to understand that it isn't other people's fault that they are happy and you're sad, it's not. You will move from this,you will be happy too, you should believe that your time will come too when you're happy. Try as much as possible not to get violent and avoid the main target of your anger (if there is one) you might do something you'll regret. The people around you should understand and stay by your side until you pass through this stage.
Stage four
Bargaining
In this stage, you're over your anger but now you want to get back what you lost, if the loss results in death, you may skip this stage, but we've all seen crazy movies where someone believes one can be brought back from the dead, it's a bit far fetched but who's to know if some people actually try it in real life. If it's something you can get back, it is not unusual to lower your standards in this stage. For example, you lover cheated on you and you break up but the grief becomes too much and you're ready to take him back even if he is dating the girl you're ready to share him, you are okay with anything as long as you get him back. Lowering your standards or ignoring your self worth will never end in happiness you will always feel insecure, it will be hard to ignore the number of the person causing you grief when you check your phone, it will be hard not to call and see if things will work out. If you are on the wrong, you can always apologize, but after all you have been through you need to complete the process and have a clear mind before making decisions. This isn't the time to go back and bargain to ease your pain. This is the time where you will believe you will get through the pain and move forward, you will get through this, so ignore the urges to go backwards. Forward is the direction for you.
Stage five
Guilt
Guilt;the feeling of responsibility for wrongdoing. The thing with guilt is that it can wear someone's mind out, it brings you down mentally, while grieving, you will encounter a stage where you will feel that it is all your fault, sometimes it is, sometimes it is not. You can spend your time differentiating the situation or you can actually try to get over your guilt, we might create illusions at this stage of times when we could have done something different, thereby creating guilt even if it wasn't there before. All these are obstructing your goal which should be accepting your situation. Fine you've done some things you are not proud of but the fact that you know it is wrong is a step in the right direction already, there are always things you can't change because they are in the past but the future is something you have control over, you may be the bad guy, the sole cause of your grief, but you deserve to be happy too.
Stage six
Depression
You have finally come to terms with your situation and you are a bit depressed about it, you realize all these times you've had contradicting feelings you haven't even let yourself cry yet,you haven't let yourself be sad yet. This is the time you should lean to your friends or family and let it all out, you've been angry, you've been snapping at everyone, you've been acting crazy but right now you just want to heal... Let your tears flow and let the pain flow out of you too. You will be alright, you may be gloomy and sad for a while but it only means you're accepting your pain and crying over it.
Stage seven
Acceptance and hope
Congratulations! You made it! You'll probably feel this stage better than I can explain. But it feels like Freedom. There is no time frame for any of these stages but knowing about them and learning how to deal with them might speed up the process. Acceptance is self explanatory all these stages have brought you to accepting your pain or your loss. Hope, this means you finally believe, you're finally moving forward with your life because three is hope. This is when your friends tell you funny stories about your behavior and you will be able to laugh about them and look forward to a bright future. Always keep in mind to thank God for the life you have and the fact that you are still breathing everyday, making it to the next day and overcoming obstacles to bring you to your goal.
Article writter :Abdulkareem ummi
State of origin: Kogi State
Instagram account :qoolsom
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